A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
