She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
