He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
