Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
