yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize