yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
