btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
