Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
