dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
