So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
