Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
