i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
