Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
