it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
