I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
