he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Randomize
