You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
