Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
