True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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