her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
being pregnant is like rehab
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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