I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
