If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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