Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
