OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
