The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Of course I have a pirate flag
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
