I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
