I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
