I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize