drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
