had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
