break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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