I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I think my vagina is haunted
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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