i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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