I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
