Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
