i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
