What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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