How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
