OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
