i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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