Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
