she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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