How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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