He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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