i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
