Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Randomize
