It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
