we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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