..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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