Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
