Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
