I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
