i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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