Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
