He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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