Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize