I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
