i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
