...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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