A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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