I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize