my mouth tastes like poor choices
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He shit in the fireplace
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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