Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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