nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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