The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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