He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
