Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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