I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
