Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
