We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
