There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize