areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
