i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
