his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize