So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize