Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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