I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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