I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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