So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I AM VODKA MAN
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
