oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
