we're chasing vodka with high fives
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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