so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
