I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
