i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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