my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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