She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
