you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
