if i died would you start the facebook group?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
