no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
