my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
