Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
