I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
