Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
