if only i could text you this smell
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
