oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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