Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
