You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
