epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
