my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
