She went from zero to smokin in five shots
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
